Time To Believe

Autumn is coming.

The temperatures have dropped, especially for us at night. I like fresh air, I don’t like stuffy rooms and therefore , spend a large part of the year with windows open. The last couple of nights I have had to close the bathroom window, last night my bedroom window was also closed as I woke feeling a little chilly.

Being like this has it’s advantages, it’s got to be really cold to switch the heating on. Downside of this, my friends think I’m a freak and don’t visit often. It’s too cold for them!

Good side, cheap heating bills. What’s wrong with putting an extra layer on. I’m not that mean where it comes to the kids we we will all snuggle under a blanket watching TV before the heating goes on. My kids also don’t like it hot either.

Just the perfect for my crochet hobby meaning I need to crochet more. Good for us as a family as we spend precious time snuggled together. Time, as The Boy and Girl get older will occur less and less.

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The downside I am finding the past two years or so is that once my feet get cold, then the rest of me gets cold and I can’t get warm. I’m told this is a part of growing old. I know I’m growing old but am I getting so old that I should be feeling the cold at my age. When did early 40s make you feel cold. Am I the only one? Is this what I am destined for; thermals and a wooly hat in the house?

I am not saying what the right thing to do for one person is right for all.  I can I assure you, I have done many things wrong. It’s just I’ve reached a time in my life that I need to stop pleasing others and do what is right for my personal happiness which will have a huge impact on my kids and their personal happiness.

I only hope to start a debate and for others to ask if they are truly happy and if they are not what can they do to achieve happiness.  I am certainly not saying my way is right for everyone.

Whilst at Uni I felt there was nothing wrong in going out in a sleeveless dress, no coat, no tights, no cardi, just a little dress and stay out all night even in the winter and feel just fine. Was I the only one?

I can’t ever remember getting a chill on my chest like my Mother said I would! But I also don’t remember being encouraged to follow my dreams even if this meant I didn’t follow the crowd.

I think I now sound like my Mother when I see newspaper articles and TV programmes showing teenagers doing the same and cringe. I actually ask out loud how they can actually go outside dressed in such little. In reality the current teenagers are going out not that different to me. I may have had certainly areas of my body covered more down to my beliefs but I was certainly not dressed for the weather.

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I sound like my Mother too much. I want to shout, go stand up for you, believe in you. Fight for your dreams, the dreams that make you happy and not let others hold you back. Do anything but what I did; don’t sit there and watch your not so happy life go buy.  Just make a change before it is too late.

Will things ever change?

What has to happen for the women of the future to stand up for themselves?

Do us girls go out dressed inappropriate for fashion reasons, because others are, to rebel against our parents, to fit in or simply to please men?

I know I can’t speak for many people but for me rebelling against my parents, fashion and sadly the main reason was to fit in.   I behaved this way to fit in with others as I did not know who else to fit in and I certainly never thought that I didn’t have to.

To tried to fit in as I has been told I needed to. So during my time at Uni I unsuccessfully tried to fit in. I then left and went back home and was told to fit in socially and at work. I seemed to have nothing in common with those I’d gone to school with, only I had gone to uni and my confidence had gone to make friends at work.  I just didn’t fit in anywhere and tried way too hard to fit in.  Never showing the real me.  Why would I show the real me, nobody ever liked the real me.

I truly believe it was not until I hit my 40s that I stopped trying to fit in with others. I tried so hard to fit it, wore some very ridiculous things, partook in activities I had no interests in and still wasn’t happy.

It’s not until the last few years that I have truly began to think of me and make me happy which means no pressure to do what others want me to do just because they think it’s right for you. I honestly believe I went through with a marriage because I was told it was right for me. Clearly it wasn’t.

I’m not alone in taking years to get to the place where I have confidence in myself to say no, I don’t want to do that, it’s not for me.

I really can pinpoint times in my life where I needed guidance, help and support and even though I reached out the support needed was not available then. I accepted that. I know now I should have fought, fought harder for me.

We must support the future young ladies. They shouldn’t feel they should try act or dress a certain way to achieve success. They should get up regardless of whether they are part of the crowd and be them. Be themselves. The fabulous person that makes them them. Life would be so boring if everyone was the same.

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Let your little quirks shine and rise as high as they deserve. Look back at the achievement of the in girls when you you were at school. What have they achieved?

I feel I have achieved far more than they did, far more that they ever will. I just kick myself for what I could have achieved if I’d spent far less time trying to fit it, less time trying to be them and more time being me, pushing myself to the limit and reaching my dreams.

Sadly society said I should fit in and I fail to stretch fully for my goals. This attitude must stop.

It worries me, I have 2 disabled children; 1 with Aspergers, then other with physic issues; both chronic illnesses. I’m aware of disabilities legislation but know from experience an employee will do anything to get you out of their employment if you don’t fit in, regardless of what the law says. Life is hard if you don’t fit.

How do I teach my children that they much try to reach their goals while working hard when there are so many obstacles in their path which the laws don’t really help push to one side.

These shouldn’t be seen as obstacles but people are labelled with tags which are hard to lose; Single Parent Children, Aspergers, JIA, Chronic Illnesses. All things that shouldn’t matter.  Things my children have been labelled with.

Manners, politeness, caring, helpful, mature beyond your years, honest, reliable, resilient, bright, intelligent, friendly, funny. Things that no longer seem to be characteristics that we look at being desirable.

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To my two precious children I will always fight for you both to assist you to fly as high as you deserve.

6 Comments

  1. 3 October, 2014 / 8:56 am

    Such a brilliant and moving post. I’m glad you’re doing what’s right for you and your kids now, but it is sad that it takes so long to get to that point where you feel comfortable taking your own path.
    If it’s any consolation, I’ve always been very comfortable with being ‘me’ and refusing to conform, but as a result I spent three very unhappy years at university surrounded by people who didn’t ‘get’ me. I had one friend one a boyfriend to see me through (we’ve now been married 14 years, so I obviously did something right!).

  2. 3 October, 2014 / 3:27 pm

    Such a brave, honest and true post. So many things to consider and reflect upon. I hope your children find their individual ways in life – I always sense you are much stronger than me and admire that. I too like fresh air and hate being over warm. You can crochet me a blanket anytime my dear. Miss my mum’s as do my children. I went out in the latest London fashions as a teenager and knew they were so modern that it did not matter that I did not fit in in Yorkshire. I quite miss how you used to go to London and see the latest stuff and it all seemed so exotic but now via online etc we can all get stuff straightaway. I used to like to get a reaction so did wear skimpy things and was very naïve about the dangers of doing so. Had a more streetwise mate fortunately who used to look after me on nights out. There is so much to change for women but if we give the right messages to our sons and daughters hopefully things will get a lot better. Said with not much faith but great hope all the same.

  3. 4 October, 2014 / 3:47 pm

    This is such a wonderfully inspiring post thanks for writing it I got a lot of flash backs! I was never one for dressing up like that I never had the confidence nor the skinny body for some of the clothes worn by my peers at school. I didn’t wear make up until I started college and refused to drink. I can see that actually that took a lot of strength and I hope my children will be the same. It’s hard being a teen!
    I’m in my twenties and I still gasp at the outfits worn by my age group haha I hate being cold!!

  4. 4 October, 2014 / 9:30 pm

    I think as I get older too i find I’m more comfortable about being different. So true about the ‘labels’ too – that shouldn’t matter. We’ve found the people / places that J has got on best with are the ones that haven’t been fazed or scared by him having aspergers but just want to do the best for him as an individual. #strikingmums

  5. 4 October, 2014 / 10:29 pm

    This is such a great post and you have no idea how much you sound like me and how I feel – including being in my early 40s and feeling the cold!! Ross and Grace constantly take the mickey out of me. And, like you, I am finally being me and if no one else likes it then that is their tough luck! Great post and I am so glad you linked it, thanks for joining in with PoCoLo 🙂 x

  6. Helena
    7 October, 2014 / 3:07 am

    Coming from a person who has known you so long I used to hate all the times when you did not have the confidence to be you. I know you have the most amazing quirky character that is such so stunning to see. I’m so grateful and thankful that I am one of the very few people who has always been lucky enough to have seen this side to you without the peer pressure to fit in and others not getting you. Seeing you ignore the world and be the person who is true to their heart. I am so happy that you have now gained confidence to ignore pressures to fit in and be you for everyone to see.

    I am so sorry that you have felt you needed to hide away parts of you to fit in. I just wish I could have been at your side the whole time to encourage and support you. But remember you found the strength to break away from those who were holding you back.

    The last few years it has been amazing to see you be you. I know you still hold back when you first meet new paper but you shouldn’t. Sadly you just meet too many people who didn’t deserve you in their life. They didn’t deserve to see you bloom and fly.

    One day you will soar as high as those dreams and they will become reality. Just forget what others say and not let they hold you back.

    All it takes is trust in yourself. You have done the hard work now. Just keep reaching for those goals. You really are an inspiration to those gorgeous kids and I just wish you could see what a wonderful job you are doing. Forget what others say, it’s only been said to deflect their failures away from themselves without having to look at their lives and admit their failures. Something some people can never do. It angers me that they deflect their failures on others before they can admit it is them that has the problem.

    The popular people we meet through lives are usually popular for all the wrong reasons. They really do feel threatened by someone who doesn’t give in and fall in line like all others. I think deep down they are jealous. Just think about it and you can name a number of people who you felt you had to fit in with. I truly despise how they behaved and pressured you to be like them. I hate how the true you never shined in their company.

    Now, I am proud and so happy that I am writing how you now don’t feel the need to fit in. How you have just let go. How the real quirky, fun, gorgeous big hearted you is shining, a true dream of mine.

    Love you to bits my darling x

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